10 DO’S and DON’TS for the Most Important Relationship You’ll Ever Have

Valentine’s Day spending can stir up big emotions, but nonprofit credit counselors know that lasting relationships depend on financial habits that work year-round.

Can you put a price on love? Many Americans do every year, with some turning to credit cards to cover Valentine’s Day expenses when cash is tight.

According to a recent Valentine’s Day spending survey by LendingTree, the average person plans to spend around $180 on the holiday, and about one-third say they expect to take on credit card debt to do it.

“If you’re with the right person, they shouldn’t want you to take on debt just to prove your feelings,” said Matt Schulz, chief consumer finance analyst at LendingTree. “If spending expectations are pushing you into debt, that’s a sign the conversation needs to change.”

The risk goes beyond awkward conversations.

Surveys on money and relationships have found that more than a third of people say hidden credit card debt contributed to the breakdown of a marriage, while a similar share consider financial infidelity – like hidden spending – grounds for divorce.

Money is still one of the hardest topics for couples to talk about, especially when spending, debt, or expectations don’t line up.

Below are 10 Do’s and Don’ts to help you make better decisions for your heart and your wallet.

1. DO go to counseling. 

Couples don’t hesitate to seek counseling when communication breaks down, and money deserves the same level of care. Credit counseling offers a neutral, judgment-free way to step back and look at what’s really going on financially.

A certified credit counselor reviews your full financial picture – income, expenses, and debts – and helps you understand your options. There’s no pressure to choose a specific solution. The goal is clarity, so decisions are based on facts instead of stress or guilt.

2. DON’T assume extreme solutions are your only option

When money stress builds, it’s easy to jump to worst-case thinking. Bankruptcy is sometimes necessary, but it isn’t the first or only path for many people and treating it that way can shut down better conversations too early.

There are other proven ways to address debt, including debt management programs that focus on structured repayment and debt settlement options that involve negotiating balances. Understanding the full range of possibilities before making a major decision helps protect both your finances and your long-term stability.

3. DO listen to your money’s needs. 

Checking bank accounts and credit card statements regularly helps you spot patterns early. Rising balances, tighter cash flow, or emergencies that end up on a credit card are often signs that something needs to change.

Ignoring those signals doesn’t make them go away. Small gaps tend to widen over time, especially when day-to-day choices are driven by stress or habit. Noticing issues sooner gives you more room to adjust priorities and regain control before money becomes a source of conflict.

4. DON’T avoid talking about money 

Money doesn’t sort itself out when it goes unspoken. When finances are shared, honest conversations about income, spending, and debt are essential, even when they feel uncomfortable.

Many people recognize the importance of talking about money early in a relationship, but those conversations are often postponed or avoided. Raising them sooner helps set clearer expectations and reduces the chance that financial issues will escalate later.

5. DO prioritize your money.

When money is treated as an afterthought, debt and stress tend to grow quietly in the background. Making finances a priority means being intentional about where your income goes and how it supports both short-term needs and long-term goals.

That can include looking for ways to increase income, such as picking up extra work, and deciding how to use that money wisely. Applying it toward debt, savings, or retirement can strengthen your financial footing and reduce pressure down the road.

6. DON’T “keep up with the Joneses” 

Comparing your finances to friends, family, or what you see online can quietly push spending in the wrong direction. What looks comfortable or effortless on the surface often hides debt, tradeoffs, or financial help you can’t see.

Trying to keep up appearances can lead to decisions that don’t fit your income or priorities. Focusing on your own situation makes it easier to spend with intention and avoid debt that’s driven more by pressure than need.

7. DO manage your money expectations and set S.M.A.R.T. goals. 

Setting financial goals that are S.M.A.R.T. – specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound – makes them easier to follow and more likely to succeed. This approach helps you turn broad intentions into actions you can track and adjust.

Big milestones like owning a home, buying a car, or saving for your child’s education start with smaller steps that fit into your everyday budget and timeline.

Breaking larger goals into S.M.A.R.T. components can keep you motivated and confident as you make steady progress.

8. DON’T spend money out of spite. 

Spending to cope with frustration, guilt, or resentment often creates more problems than it solves. Emotional purchases can quietly add to debt and make money stress harder to manage later.

Secrecy makes it worse. Hiding purchases or credit card balances from a partner is often described as financial infidelity, and it can damage trust just as quickly as other forms of dishonesty.

Being upfront about spending, especially when emotions are involved, helps protect both your finances and your relationship.

9. DO take responsibility for your money decisions

Lasting financial change starts with honesty. That means recognizing patterns that aren’t working, whether it’s relying on credit cards to cover basics, avoiding savings, or spending more than your income allows.

Taking responsibility isn’t about blame. It’s about acknowledging where you are so you can make deliberate choices going forward. When money decisions are intentional instead of reactive, it becomes easier to reduce debt, build savings, and create stability over time.

10. DON’T assume you have to figure everything out alone

Money stress can make problems feel bigger and more urgent than they are. When debt, spending, or uncertainty start to feel overwhelming, getting a clearer picture can make a meaningful difference.

Nonprofit credit counseling offers a way to talk through your situation, understand your options, and decide what steps make sense for you. There’s no pressure to choose a specific solution. The goal is clarity, so financial decisions feel manageable instead of intimidating.